Where Chester Lives

Not sure what category to put this under..Religion? Geeking Out? Introspect? I think it's some of all of those.

If God Wrote Code..

• It would be bug-free. No patches, no service packs.
• 1.0, which means that one release would have every feature required. And, as new requirements were found, the software would already have this feature implemented.
• User Interface. The software would work the right way and feel the right way, regardless of the user.
• Everything. Regardless of the application, the software would solve the problem.
• Adaptive. My install and your install might be very different, because the software would know us, know what the requirements are, and install itself according. It would also change with us. And change us over time to be more like Him.
• We don't have to use it. But using it makes us better.

In two words: BRU-TAL.

I spent all of last week at the RSA conference. Now, I've gone to tradeshows before, but this is the first time that i've been on the other side of the booth. Talk about hard work. I spent most of each day standing, and I was tasked with setup and teardown (along with my sales guy). By Friday, my feet, calves, and lower back were in open rebellion and were making plans to secede from the union. It was a good show, though. I talked to alot of customers and spent a good amount of time hanging with our product management guys. It's surprising how many boxes we have installed in the field...more people know about us than I originally thought. But not enough people know about us so...BUY A FIREWALL! Please...my daughters need new shoes.

Okay, if you are a tech person, then you probably know about Twitter. I have toyed with this idea, but in the end, it really seems like a technorati kind of thing. Honestly, it smacks of elitism. Even the language leads in that direction. For example, if you choose to read what I twitter, then I get to call you a "follower." Yeesh. I listen to TWiT and watch Cranky Geeks, and people on those shows talk about it all the time. But, here's the thing. It is so much a tempest in a teapot. I think, largely, that real people don't use this thing. In all honesty, I don't think people are so enthralled with what I have to say that they have to know what's going on THIS VERY MINUTE, which is exactly what Twitter is all about. Besides...it will be owned by a large company soon, and then it will succumb to the advertising engine that is on the internet, and then all of the twits on Twitter will whine and moan, and dream about the good old days.

that's all I have time for. Tune in next time, when we find out what happens to Bobby, who fell down that well.

Okay, America. I am putting you on notice. If you don't stop the following annoying things, I may have to take away your after-dinner cookie privileges.

Ringtones

We've talked about this before, but it bears mentioning again. I really don't care to hear your favorite song, or mine, for that matter, as your ringtone. It is most annoying. Your cell phone is a PHONE. It should ring...quietly. Vibrate is even better. Anything else is just noise pollution.

Turn Signal

There is a lever located on the left side of your steering wheel inside of your car (I know...shocking, isn't it?). When you push this lever up, towards the sky, it turns on a blinking light located externally on the right side of your car, both front and rear, that notifies other drivers that your are turning right. When you push it down, towards the ground, it notifies other drivers that you are turning left by enabling a blinking light similar to the one mentioned above, but located on the left side of the car. when you push it back to its center position, it turns off all blinking lights and other drivers will assume that you are continuing forward without turning. Not only is it good manners to use this fun and informative feature, it is required by law in all fifty states. PLEASE USE IT. Thank you.

Your Car Stereo

This one's easy...TURN IT DOWN. I don't want to hear your garbled music and all of your sheet metal vibrating in your 1983 Corolla. Better yet, save the money you would have spent on the subwoofer and amp at Best Buy and, instead, take a college course, or put it towards music lessons, or feed the hungry. You'll feel better, and so will I.

Common Courtesy

Please, if you are sitting in front of someone tall on an airplane, don't put your seat back. It makes an already uncomfortable position even worse. And, if you do, don't be shocked when you feel our knees in your lower spine. It's not because we want to push against your seat, its because you have given us tall folks no other option. We are all stuck on this plane together...let's be nice to each other, m'kay?

Blue Tooth Headsets

Unless you are actively engaged in a conversation, take it off. You look ridiculous. And, you don't have to yell. I really don't want to know about your battle with foot fungus, or your love life, or what you need to bring home for dinner.

Speaking of cell phones...

It is just plain RUDE to call someone and talk to them while you should be engaged in doing something else, like paying for your groceries. Talk to the REAL people that exist in your physical space that you are interacting with. It will not kill you to call that person back after you get finished with your current task. You aren't that important...trust me, I know. The only reason to take the call is if you are a doctor and lives are at stake.

Smile

This is really simple, and will go a long way towards making your day better. When you encounter other people, smile. It is pleasant, and in times of need, people are more likely to help you if you are kind and friendly. It isn't hard to do this. At least, it's no harder to do this than it is to scowl at the rest of the world. This helps even if you are having a bad day. If you smile at people, they will smile back. Try it...it really does work. Unless you're initials are TL and you live in Wisconsin...you scare people when you smile (just kidding, T. You know I love you, man).

Buy Clothes That Fit

Guys...I really don't care if you are wearing boxers or briefs, so you don't need to show them to me. The waist size on the tag should closely match the circumference of your actual waist. They should fit comfortably, and if they are slightly too large, then use a belt. Girls, shirts and pants that are two sizes too small are NOT attractive. I know you have it tough, what with society telling you that 'abnormally thin=pretty'. Believe it or not, most people don't agree with that. If you wear clothes that fit, it is more flattering, which actually increases your attractiveness. Also, the shirt should cover the waist completely, even if you have to bend over to pick up a dropped object. I will not elaborate further, since I am striving to be gentlemanly.

Okay...follow these simple guidelines and your life will be enriched. And, more importantly, so will mine.

Enough snarkiness...back to work. Oh, and feel free to add your own grievances in the comments.

Here I sit, watching the Astros-Padres game on ESPN2. And I'm blogging. For those keeping score, it's 3-0 Padres in the bottom of the 6th. Two outs, bases loaded with the Padres at the plate. Exciting stuff. WOW. Center fielder for the Astros just chased down a drive that I thought wasn't catchable. Good play to get out of a jam.

Chili is curled up next to me, having his "chair time." He does this every night that I watch TV...which is every night for an hour or so.

Speaking of sports, who would have thunk that the Final Four would be all number 1 seeds? I haven't looked it up, but I don't think that happens very much. I picked UCLA, but I don't think they can beat Memphis. If I could change my bracket, I would pick Memphis right now. That team is incredible.

In related news, read this great rant on the tournament the other day. I couldn't agree more.

Game UPDATE: Bottom of the 7th, still 3-0 Padres. Isn't technology fantastic?

Okay...so my riding schedule has picked up again. In no small part due to this purchase. That's right...I finally bought a replacement for my old Marin. In all honesty, the Marin was a great bike. I put many miles on it, and the price was certainly right. But ever since I started logging more serious road miles, I have noticed the weight penalty I have been paying, as well as the not-very-smooth entry level drivetrain action. Shifting to the granny under any kind of power was undoable. I test-rode several bikes, including Trek, Specialized, Guru, Fuji, Felt, Calfee, Cannondale, Orbea...the list goes on. I finally chose the Scott. The biggest selling points on the Scott was the fit and the wheel spec. PLUS my local bike shop gave me an awesome deal. I feel very comfortable on this bike...I have no problem diving it into corners, and going downhill at speed is nowhere near as scary as it was on the Marin. I now keep track of my rides on an online cycling log. This helps alot.

Game UPDATE: 4-0 Padres heading into the 8th. now watching a McDonald's commercial that features a bronze Gremlin.

I wrapped up a campus-wide wireless install this evening at my church. I'll be setting up a guest wireless network on it later this week. It's been fun, but I'm glad that it's wrapping up. I've been dragging this out, and I want to get it complete and off my plate. I still have to setup a local calendar sharing server. Any of you techies out there that have done this before, let me know what you have used. Preferred cost is free, and I am loathe to do an Exchange install to support 5 people. That seems a bit much.

Okay...that's enough for now. I hope your happy, Haley. I'm going to watch the game now. Or maybe Dirty Jobs. I think it's a new one tonight.

Let's pretend that the past 6 weeks hasn't happened, m'kay?

An insight into how my brain works (as if you wanted that):

1. I think about a blog entry. Honestly, I do. I think, "Coy, you should blog. it's good for you and your reader will stop bugging you about a new blog entry." I make a commitment to do it later that day.
2. Later that day comes. I think I would rather watch Dirty Jobs. I conciously make the decision to do it tomorrow.
3. Tomorrow comes. I promptly forget.
4. A week goes by. This is when I start feeling guilty, and think I should really do this. However, it's become such a mountain in my mind that I'm far more comfortable ignoring it completely. Besides, Mythbusters is on.
5. A month goes by. It's at this point that I realize I am a spectacular failure at blogging, and decide to do an entry anyway.
6. Hence, today's entry.

The Job

March 10th marks three months with WatchGuard. I fully realize that I am still in honeymoon stage with this job, but I really love it, nonetheless. I enjoy meeting new people; I enjoy talking about technology; I enjoy helping them solve their problems. I am getting better at this whole Sales Engineer thing, I think. The biggest hurdle for me is time management. I know I recommended this great book, and the concepts in that book help tremendously. However, now that I travel some, managing all the other aspects of my life become more important. I have let things slip (like blogging) that I should be doing. That isn't good, and is a habit I need to break. Otherwise, I feel like I am doing my job well and that I am contributing to the success of the company.

Dad-hood

Next week my oldest daughter turns 14. FOURTEEN. This is incredible to think about. She has become this lovely person, with unique individuality and a growing spirit. There are things about this stage of dad-hood that is a little intimidating, but my excitement overshadows that. You hear every parent say, "They grow up so fast." And when you hear this, you shake your head and think, "Can't you be more original in thought?" Ah, but here's the thing. This revelation is absolutely unique for everyone, in that the words do not capture the feeling. Therefore, every parent says it, because you cannot fathom it until it is experienced. And we HAVE to say it, because it is the only words we know that can come close to describing even the blurry reflection of what we are experiencing. Never mind the actual feeling. Words fail completely.

Stuff

We got the car. It is very nice to have a back seat that actual adults can sit comfortably. Also, the back-up camera is very cool.

I've put on too much weight again. Last battle with the scale left me a bruised and battered 229. I went for a run yesterday with my co-worker. First time I've done that since boot camp, really. Yowsa, am I sore. I will get back on my bike tomorrow, and start trying to run when I'm on the road. It's easy to get in 30 minutes of good exercise when you are running. I should probably stop eating garbage, too (eyeing the empty Pepsi bottle next to my laptop). I'm bad at the diet thing. BAD. More veggies, less junk. More veggies, less junk. More veggies, less junk.

That's all I have for now. More later...as long as nothing good is on TV.