So, for those who don't know, the anatomy of a spin class is something like this:
- Everybody shows up 30 minutes early to claim their bike. This means staking it with a water bottle and a towel. Some people adjust the bike, some don't (maybe that is, in fact, THEIR bike?).
- The bikes are sort of like a road bike on stands. You can clip into the pedals, everything is adjustable, and the wheel you spin is a metal disc with a tensioner that you can adjust to make it harder or easier.
- IMPORTANT NOTE: Adjusting the tension isn't up to you. that's what the instructor is for.
- So, ~5-7 minutes before the class begins, everyone shows up, gets their bikes/water/shoes/whatever ready...this time is largely social, and newcomers feel like they are intruding on some special club. All these people know each other. They were all also at last night's yoga class, and the pilates class held every Thursday...you get the picture.
- 3 minutes before start time, the INCREDIBLY FIT instructor walks in, with her headset and her 2.5% body fat. Lucky for you, there is also a 70 year old grandma on the bike next to you, so the intimidation factor isn't as high.
- Don't forget the guy in the front of the class wearing the Mt. Tam double century jersey. Showoff.
- Class begins. This is where it is supposed to get "fun."
- The "fun" lasts 55 minutes. 55 MINUTES. Fifty Five Minutes. Three Thousand Three Hundred Seconds. Are you getting a sense of time?
- During that enormous amount of time, you are punished. You are told to spin at ~100 rpm, nice and easy. Flat road. Here comes a hill! Crank down your tensioner and get out of the saddle for 3 minutes. Watch that heart rate shoot to the moon. Okay, hill has tapered to a false flat, back in the saddle, ease off on the tension. Flat road again, spin easy at race pace (120 rpm). REPEAT UNTIL DEAD.
- I find myself staring at the sweat droplets that roll off the end of my nose onto the bike frame. My focus narrows tightly to that droplet's splash pattern. It's like my own private Rorschach study. Did I mention that this was 55 minutes long? I'm 20 minutes into the exercise routine and I just might not make it. But, then again, there's that 70 year old lady next to me, pedaling like the wind. I will not give up.
- Class over! Stretch for 5 minutes and stumble out of the room, after wiping down the bike with the antibacterial wipes. Everyone has the same glazed look on their face, the same stringy wet hair.
- Except that Mt. Tam guy. He is still spinning. Blech.
Here's the funny thing. After all of that, I will be going back. It's punishing, but great exercise.
200 pounds, you better run and hide, cause I'm coming to get you.
